saltburnt inbox | @icepick

[interior]

WELCOME TO THE SALTBURNT NETWORK

USERNAME: icepick

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Comments

text — un: jellybean456 (misfire)

[rationalism]

i will give you the world's best blowjob if you get me a mcmuffin!! gracie is being a baby doesn't want to get out of bed ITS TOO COLD sacrifice yourself for me

@private.eyes

[expositus]

Yeah, I've been wondering if his mouth works as well as his fists.

[interior]

Gracie's had her request sent to the wrong person. I don't do deliveries.

[interior]

Generally find my fists more effective for landing blows, but I can work with words if I need to.

[rationalism]

tragique!!!!

i shouldn't be asking strangers to sacrifice themselves anyway that's at least tongue kissing stage of knowing a people

[interior]

More than a few strangers around here that would've taken you up on the offer.

I'll leave it up to you whether that means you were lucky or unlucky to get me.

[rationalism]

kismet maybe because someone else convinced me to get out of bed to get a mcmuffin for them, go figure, i'm the chump it turns out

@gingerailed

[dead_tongue]

yeah hi
are you following me?!?!

[interior]

A chump with a mcmuffin. No blowjob required.

[interior]

We work in the same place, Iggy. No.

[rationalism]

honestly a shame but as i am the reason mcmuffins exist here i will bear the shame with honor

you win some, you lose some

[interior]

Never had one. Which makes it another loss, if you were expecting gratitude.

[rationalism]

i wasn't i'm just very attached to them

you should try them some breakfast tho

[dead_tongue]

i know that i'm not stupid.

but every time we're somewhere else you stare at me

[interior]

Tend to keep my breakfasts liquid. But if one's worth a blowjob, maybe I'll think about it.

[interior]

Or I'm looking at you because you're looking at me.

[rationalism]

it really is

well thanks for being so chill about my horny morning intrusion enjoy your morning!

[interior]

Enjoy your mcmuffin. And whatever you're getting in trade for being the chump.

[dead_tongue]

ok no because i just look around like normal and you have like
idk
a vibe

[interior]

Not the worst thing that's been said about me.

[dead_tongue]

you're really not watching me? super promise?

[interior]

Do you want me to be?

[dead_tongue]

idk

i feel like maybe you hate me

[interior]

So obsessively that I'd taken up stalking you.

Future recommendation, if that ever truly happens: don't confront the guy directly. Not without back up.

[dead_tongue]

well wtf was i supposed to do, tattle on you to my bf?